Online dating as a middleman: Autistic young adults' pursuit of romantic connection

Abstract

Purpose: Autistic individuals often desire romantic relationships, but face challenges related to social communication. Online dating apps may provide opportunities for connection by reducing immediate social demands; however, less is known about how autistic young adults experience and navigate online dating. This study examined autistic young adults’ experiences of online dating pursuing romantic relationships. Methods: In this qualitative study, semi-structured interviews were conducted with 20 autistic young adults aged 18–29 in the United States, focusing on their experiences using online dating apps to pursue romantic relationships. Data were analyzed using thematic analysis. Results: Three themes were identified: (1) entering online dating: motivations, expectations, and access; (2) managing interaction: communication, strategy, and masking; (3) emotional consequences: connection, rejection, and vulnerability. While online dating created opportunities to initiate romantic connections, it required actively managing communication, uncertainty, and self-presentation in ways that were not intuitive for autistic participants. Participants described online dating as involving repeated efforts to interpret communication, understand others’ intentions, and decide how to respond. Experiences of connection were often accompanied by rejection, unclear interactions, and limited success. Strategies such as masking supported interaction but were difficult to sustain. Conclusion: Online dating functioned as a pathway to connection while also introducing challenges related to communication, uncertainty, and emotional effort. Rather than simplifying communication difficulties, online dating shifted these challenges into interpreting unclear messages, managing self-presentation, coping with rejection, and navigating safety concerns. These findings highlight the need for greater attention to communication support, emotional well-being, and safety for autistic young adults.